Why Shy Men Do Not Impress Women

The crucial aspect when you are with a woman is to make her feel safe with you. But you should not overdo this. Because if you overdo it you will suppress your feelings and ultimately you will end up a control freak.

Consider a situation. You are with a beautiful lady and want to do everything so that she feels safe. For that you will have to control her feelings, which is possible only if you control the way you talk to her, interact with her- basically control every aspect of yours. This will suppress your natural feelings, but you are afraid that behaving naturally might make her feel unsafe. So we become control freaks. This is what happens to men who are introvert in nature. But this helps you in no way. The woman might feel safe but it also restricts your relationship and might even suffocate a woman.

The fact is if you are introvert in nature, you are treating your lady in a harsh way. She will feel safe, but this safety is very limited. You make her feel restricted. When with shy people, the lady will be secure, in the sense, she knows that you will not hurt her physically. But overall she feels less natural with him. The chances are she will never again think of dating you or go beyond the dating level – all because your shy nature wants to maker her feel safe.

Shy men always feel that by making a woman feel safe they are actually impressing them. But that is a big lie. Women feel that shy men are uninterested, too much freaky and are unattainable. Bruce learnt about this fact a few years ago when he attended a personality development program. He volunteered to talk about how shy he felt with woman and that he always gave the first preference in making a woman feel safe in his company. The host of the program then pose a question to the ladies there , “What do you think this guy is like? Who would like to go on a date with this guy?” All woman were unanimous in their reply. They all felt he was kind of freaky. They wanted him to talk to them so that they can know what kind of a person he is and that he is no right to decide how they should feel when in his company. For Bruce, this was a sharp contrast to what he was expecting. If you are shy – unapproachable is what woman will feel about you.

We told this story to one of our very shy students. But he was not ready to accept this fact as truth. He couldn’t accept that woman felt he was unattainable and unapproachable. His life till now had a lot of evidence of this – women did want to forge a relationship but he never permitted it to happen. The first thing he had to do is to accept that his introvert nature made woman think of him like that.

So what next? Try to see if you too are a control freak. By now you must have obviously realized that making a woman feel safe or being the good guy doesn’t make a woman think high about you. Hence it is best if you can change that good boy behavior of yours.

Your strategy should be this. Firstly, accept that your interest in women is nothing bad, its how every man is made to be. Second, be free to express yourself when in the company of women. This will make her to express herself fully and be natural with you instead of pretending to be somebody else. It a risk but is worth it. If you are natural with them, they too will feel comfortable and natural with you.

Be a risk taker and do not try to decide how you would make you woman feel. Soon your experiences with women will be better. You will be more natural with them and so will they be with you. Who knows, in this process you might find the ideal partner for yourself!

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