Thoughts: Key to Shape Your Attitude

A divorce or breakup is certainly emotionally taxing. The mindset that you build after a divorce is the most important tool for your further life. So what have you been telling yourself? Do you feel like a failure ? Do you just want to pass through this time somehow? Your thoughts can greatly influence your life after such a heavy upheaval in your life.

When I went through a divorce, I didn’t want to just survive that period. Instead, I wanted me and my 3 school going kids to be happy and keep enjoying. Life gives us situations as per our capabilities. I was always open to learn. I wanted to move on in life taking care that I do not repeat the mistakes nor did I want to garner any feelings of anger or fear within me.

Perhaps divorce was a good thing that happened to me. It was this breakup that made me realize how much I had become a victim of my own negative emotions. Believe me there is nothing as traumatic as a 20 year old relationship breaking down. The negative emotions and thoughts flood your mind. It is only now that I realized the baggage I have been carrying for so long. And it is now that I have come to know of a tool – that of choosing our thoughts.

We talk about 160-310 words per minute to ourselves. It amounts to about half a lack thoughts per day. No person can be without any self talk longer than 11 seconds. It is this self talk which is mostly negative that puts limitations on us. This negative self talk is high when anything bad happens to us. This self talk is similar to convincing ourselves into a pattern of failure and frustration, this is a “negative self-hypnosis”, "negative autosuggestion".

Some basic steps can help you give up this negative self hypnosis.

1. Be Open to learning always

Your mind only knows what it has experienced. You will not know what you do not know! And this is good because this way you are open to new experiences and new learnings. What you have to do is to be open to learn anytime and anywhere. Nobody is expected to know all, but one can be inquisitive and explore every opportunity to learn.

2. No Negative self talk

Attitude, that too a right one is very much crucial in anybody’s life. Give up the habit of talking negative to yourself. It is not easy but not impossible too. If your inner conscience becomes critical of you say, “Thanks” and get on with your usual life. Jot down the self talk that you do on a daily basis and I am sure you will be shocked when you review how negative you talk to yourself.

3. Gradual process

When you begin, you might falter. For example you might get back to the habit of smoking. That’s not a sin. Learn to forgive yourself. Find out one step which will take you in the direction you desire. Seek help of a friend who can keep you on the track. Plan a small step and fulfill it. This way you can boost up your confidence each time you take a step.